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How To Raise A Brat!

Posted by Chris Cline on August 16, 2008

So many today have been successful at raising brats. Here’s some of the finest advice you’ll ever receive on how to raise a brat:

1. WHEN A BABY, DON’T LET HIM CRY IN BED Do not allow YOUR baby to suffer any hardships, especially in infancy. Run to his aid as soon as he cries. He’ll soon know how to control you, rather than you controlling him. This way, they’ll expect to be pampered all of their lives.

2. LET HIM SAY “NO” It’s so cute. Let that be his favorite word. Sure, it’s rebellion verbalized, but he should be allowed to have a mind of his own.

3. DO NOT GIVE ANY DUTIES, RESPONSIBILITIES Do it all for them. Then they’ll think this world owes them a living. They’ll quickly join the crowd of grown up babies shouting, “I’ve got my rights,” rather than those who are men and women enough to fulfill their responsibilities.

4. NEVER SPANK THEM When the senior citizens today speak of spanking as being “the way we used to do it,” remember, grandma and grandpa were “child abusers.” Don’t ever discipline your child. Wait till they’re in trouble, and let the penal system (prisons and jails) discipline them. Listen to Dr. Spock (who never raised a child in his life) and the other child psychologists, not the old timers who raised 5 or 10 children successfully!
Throw out the Bible and its admonitions like: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early in life)” Proverbs 13:24. “The rod AND reproof (teaching that exposes wrong) give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame,” Proverbs 29:15. You can only develop a true brat if you won’t properly discipline them.

5. DEFEND THEM IN SCHOOL Always take the child’s side. Teachers and principals have got it “in” for the little angel. Understand that your child can do no wrong. Expect teachers and principals to know that too!

6. CRITICIZE LEADERS AND PREACHERS You can’t trust them. Tear down authority in front of them. Make sure they hear you. They’ll live in insecurity not knowing who to trust. They will be totally prepared for a life of rebellion. They will not learn to properly fear anyone and will probably lose their jobs when the boss asks them to do something. Don’t tell them that 99% of those in leadership positions are good people who are sincere and have never been indicted for anything. Leave them with the impression that they are all bad.

7. DON’T EVER SAY “I LOVE YOU” They can figure that out! After all, you’ve given them everything they’ve ever wanted. What more can a parent do (of course, don’t give them yourself!)

8. GIVE THEM EVERYTHING THEY WANT Buy something for them every time you go into a store. Never say “no” to them. When properly trained this way, they will be used to having every appetite of theirs fulfilled immediately. When they grow older and develop natural sexual appetites, they will have been trained by you to seek immediate fulfillment. Teen pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases shouldn’t really surprise the parent then. Sooo… give them everything they ask for while they are kids.

9. NEVER TEACH THEM THE BIBLE Teach them math, science, history, art, music, reading, physical education, sex education, etc. but don’t teach them the Bible. Let them decide for themselves. Make them go to school 5 days a week for all day, but don’t take them to church for 1 hour on Sunday.

10. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR CHILD He’s a little angel. He wouldn’t dare do anything behind your back. Did you ever ask a young person whom you catch smoking, “Do you smoke at home?” Usually the answer is, “You’ve got to be kidding my parents would kill me.” Remember, that’s the other kids in town, yours would never do that.

11. SCREAM AT YOUR CHILDREN This is the only type of communication necessary to raise a brat. Time spent answering their questions and instructing them is wasted time. The only training really required of parents is potty-training. After that, it is the obligation of day cares preschools and schools. Scream constantly, and the fond memories your children have of home life will assure you as a parent that your kids will never take care of you when you’re old.

12. LET YOUR CHILD COME AND GO AS THEY WILL Don’t set any boundaries. This will lead to a life of insecurity. Brats don’t need guidelines.

13. MAKE SURE THEY ARE POPULAR They must be in with the crowd, their peers! Don’t let them be an oddball. If they follow the crowd, the crowd will become the greatest influence in their lives. Nothing to fear there, right?

14. LET THEM WATCH TV CONSTANTLY Keep them away from reality. Let them live in fantasy all of their lives. Brats need entertainment! A life of comfort and ease produces high-class brats. They won’t know how to deal with reality or real people, but maybe they’ll just go into seclusion rather than becoming contentious or hostile. It’s usually one or the other.CONCLUSION Brats are produced, not born. It takes effort to obey the above principles. Parents should prepare themselves for a life of heartbreak for it is sure to come.



By Pastor Art Kohl


Posted in America, Bible, Christian, Church, Devotionals, God, Misc | 1 Comment »

The Virtuous Woman

Posted by Chris Cline on May 11, 2008

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

The famous passage on “the virtuous woman” (Proverbs 31:10-31) is often used on Mother’s Day, so the description of the attributes of such a woman is already well known. But it is not so well-known that these 22 verses were originally put together in the form of an acrostic, with each verse starting, in turn, with the successive 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet. It is as though the compiler of Proverbs wanted to conclude the book with a special tribute to his own mother (v. 1), and to imply in so doing that it would exhaust all the resources of human language!

However, the translators have done something of a disservice by using the word “virtuous,” which tends to make us think primarily today simply of moral purity. This woman was far more than just that. The Hebrew word, when used as an adjective or adverb describing a woman, was always translated “virtuous” (Ruth 3:11; Proverbs 12:4; 31:10) or “virtuously” (Proverbs 31:29). When used in reference to men, however (as it is far more frequently), it is always translated by such words as “strong,” “valiant,” “worthy,” etc. Its most common translation is “army.” Thus, an ideal woman is a strong, brave, industrious, trustworthy woman, worth an entire army to her husband and her children and her nation. This is woman as God intended woman to be. She is, most especially, a godly woman. “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised” (v. 30).

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her” (v. 28). This verse is usually acknowledged on Mother’s Day, but let us remember that “Honor thy . . . mother” (Exodus 20:12) means every day of the year as well! HMM

Posted in America, Bible, Christian, Church, Mother's, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »


Posted by Chris Cline on May 7, 2008





5. IT IS THE BELIEVERS DUTY.  (Romans 12:1 & Luke 17:10)




9. TO BEAR FRUIT (John 12: 24)


He that winneth souls is wise! -Proverb 11:30.


Posted in America, Baptist, Bible, Christian, Church, God, Misc, Sin, Soul Winning | 1 Comment »

Church Is Like Football….

Posted by Chris Cline on May 4, 2008

Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Half-time – The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

Benchwarmer – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

Backfield-in-Motion – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying in the Pocket – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.

Two-minute Warning – The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Instant Replay – The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.

Sudden Death – What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes “overtime”.

Trap – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.

End Run – Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Flex Defense – The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Halfback Option – The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

Blitz – The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

Posted in America, Christian, Church | 2 Comments »

Like A Mighty Army?

Posted by Chris Cline on April 28, 2008

A minister asked a returned GI to speak in his pulpit. This is what the GI said:

“Like a mighty army moves the church of God.” The trouble is, about ten million men know exactly how an army moves.

Suppose the army accepted the lame excuses that many of you think good enough for not attending the church parade. Imagine this:

Reveille at 7 a.m. — squads on parade ground. Sergeant barks out, “Count fours.” “One, two, three”–four is missing. “Where’s Private Smith?”

“Mr. Smith was too sleepy to get up. He said to tell you he would be with you in spirit.”

“That’s fine,” says the sergeant. “Where’s Brown?”

“He’s playing golf. You know how important recreation is.”

“Sure, sure,” says the sergeant cheerfully. “Hope he has a good game. Where’s Robinson?”

“He’s sorry, but he’s entertaining guests today. Besides, he was at drill last week.”

“Tell him he’s welcome any time he finds it convenient to drop in for drill.”

If any GI pulled that suff, he’d get twenty days in the brig. Yet you hear stuff like that every week in church!

“Like a mighty army!” Why, if this church moved like a mighty army, a lot of you folks would be court-martialed within an hour.

Found in The Sword of The Lord


Posted in America, Christian, Church | 3 Comments »